Jasmine Hart

Initially, this flowed nicely, but it might be interesting to try this without the rhyme, as I think it's restricting you. I'd omit "has" from the fourth line. I'd also ...

I thought that this was really good. It flowed well for the most part, and I like how the story unfolded. I love "uneasy peace', and the last two lines ...

Lol. I enjoyed this. It was just so clever! I loved how you counted down the words. I think it kind of created a sense of urgency, like you were ...

Now, this ending I like! I loved the last sentence, it really showed how detatched the father was, and, on the whole, the conclusion was beautifully subtle. I might strike ...

I loved "Ivy", that was the last book I read, finished it last week, but, ya, I agree about the ending. I was kind of left going, "Ok, that's all ...

Woah. This was so fresh! I wish I could be helpful, but I'm sort of in awe at the moment, so I'll just have to try really, really hard, ok? ...

This was very different to the other poem I read by you, the name of which I can't remember right now... I know it's very straight forward, but I think ...

I really enjoyed this. Your description was amazing, and I loved how you gave an insight into the character. The only thing I can suggest is maybe saying "yesterday's" instead ...

This doesn't suck at all. For the sake of experimentation, I'd suggest trying a draft in the iambic pentameter, as that's a really good disciplin, and that's what Shakespeare tended ...

I like it too. Your imagery is really beautiful. I'd try changing lines five and six to "tear down upon broken lands" as I think it flows a little better. ...

Lol. I liked this. Your rhyming couplets are great, and I love how the story progresses. You have a great style. If I'm nitpicking, I'd say reduce the number of ...

Lol. Very good! I love the first stanza, it flows really well. I liked the internal rhyme of "rage" and "face." I'd omit "That are" from the second stanza. I'd ...

"Dead Poets' Society"? I love it so much! This is a lovely piece, and I agree that it's a very brave move. I agree with gadi about the semicolon, you ...

I agree that this is beautiful. I like how it flows, and yoru imagery is lovely, especially in the second couplet. I enjoyed the fact that you included sibilance, especially ...

I liked this.The first two lines were great, especially "pale house". You have some very interesting images here, such as "velvet dagger droplets slashing the thirsty ground", which was really ...